"Simple, get a divorce"
That is honestly the best advice you could have given someone? Really?! Let's get real here, that was the most "simple" answer you could have given someone who is talking about one of the most complicated things in life, a marriage! Simple and divorce should NEVER go in the same sentence, ever! Heck nor should marriage and simple!
Marriage is hard, marriage is never ending work, marriage is selfless. Marriage isn't defined as simple or happy. Marriage is not happiness, it can produce great happiness but marriage is not rainbows and butterflies, Y'all! When did we as a culture forget this stuff?
You can't go to work and come home expecting your housework to be done. You're going to have to come home and work to keep the house clean. Same thing with marriage, you can't go to work and then come home and expect your marital needs to be met it has to be a contstant JOB. Get out of that instant gratification mind set!
Is it, "until death do us part" or is it, "until something does us part"
In today's society, we are all about self gratification. Me, Me, Me.... Heck we can even find out about local news half way across the world in the matter of seconds . Everything we do now and everything that is, moves so fast. Often we forget to slow down. We as a culture have developed this craving for the almighty "like" but when did we stop understanding what commitment really means or heck why we were even put on this earth.
Now here is where I might lose some of Yall, but please stay with me. In order to understand the meaning of "marriage" we must first understand ourselves and why we were put on this earth. What is our destiny, because divorce shouldn't be in that picture! (Under some circumstance, divorce is needed)
So, why was I put here. Was it because I was born to be someone one's soul mate. Ha, that's laughable. No, I was put here to be the love of my Lord Jesus Christ and to spread His message.
Modern marriage thinking: meet all of my needs. If failed, sign the divorce paper and on the the next person. (Ultimate purpose, your own happiness) Fact, there are tons of people in this world who could make you happy. But let's not be sheep to the fact, you will later find something wrong with that person. You can see the cycle I am getting at. THERE is NO better spouse than the one you have already selected.
According to, institutedfa.com, common divorce reasonings were:
48% incompatibility
28% infidelity
22% money issues
5.5% abuse
0.5% addiction
Incompatible, incapable of living together. NO, very capable just not willing. No two people are the same... No two people share the same daily emotions and most of those two people are thinking about, me, me, me, me, me. You're not making ME happy, good bye. 48% of the simple, "get a divorce" mind set type of people.
Ethics professor, Stanley Hauerwas made this point:
As a culture we need to start understanding, you will never, ever, ever find the "right" or "perfect" person. With that being said, we go onto Stanley Hauerwas statement: "The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger you find yourself married." How do we do this?! That is actually simple, well can be hard at first but gets simple, obey what the Lord has told us to do!
At a time my husband and I found our marriage difficult a message was sent to us by our Pastor at church. He described marriage as a three-legged stool.
Each leg representing: you, your spouse and God.
Take the leg of God away and you no longer have a chair to sit on. Sure modern reasoning would tell me to go buy another stool but I don't lean on modern reasoning for marriage counseling. I trust in the lords word and His word tells me I can NOT afford to buy another stool. But what I can do is lay myself down before the Lord so that He can mold me into a way my Husband needs me to be. I can take my problems and decide that I will work on them with my husband and the Lord.
Modern reasoning says: if it doesn't fit, take it back.
How can we ever win that way? Marriage is a lifelong marathon. A marathon that often is ran in mud, struggle and helplessness but that doesn't make the finish outcome any less satisfying. Marriage is raw, too raw for modern reasoning. Marriage is beyond simple, divorce is simple. Giving up is simple.
Lose the instant gratification mentality about marriage. Marriage isn't instantly anything but instant hard work. Lean not onto modern reasoning but take trust in Lord's word and I promise things will work themselves out, if the both of you are 100% committed to not only each other but the Lord.
Modern marriage has no room for our modern mind frame, self gratification. Self gratification leads to self destruction.
With all of my love, col.
